SurvivingInfidelityReviews 57

I was a member for over 4 years. Through that time I've watched the site degrade and become a morass of wallowing and whining. I need to be clear. I'm a betrayed spouse. Deeply Scared (**) is a petty, small, entitled attention addicted admin. She responds to any questioning with thinly veiled venom and patronizing often banning the person before they can respond then shaming them after the fact. There used to be other strong voices that balanced that out and still provided some real solid advice and healthy support. What it's become now is a detriment to healing rather than a help.

You have wayward spouses that are in absolutely horrifying situations that are seldom encouraged to leave but to sit and take all injuries because it's deserved and betrayed spouses who blame their cheating spouse for everything wrong in their life from the moment of discovery on. It's ludicrous. The "My life is over", "my life is forever ruined". Seriously? Than you have some serious work to do. No one person can ever have that power over you. Isn't that the repeated mantra to waywards? Doesn't matter how you were treated or what your betrayed spouse did to you prior your affair had zero to do with any of that. Whatever makes them feel better but if you smoke for years, you're gonna increase your chances of lung cancer and yeah, had everything to do with the smoking. I'm not saying all marriages at all. There are just some really screwed up people. Sadly, most of us had an idea of that when we were dating that special person but didn't pay attention or dismissed.

Bottom line is that betrayal is a very real part of life. Almost everyone experiences it and to treat it as if it is some very special occurrence along with a get out of jail free for the rest of your life card is basically the same logic cheaters used. Stop whining. Turn on the news, for God's sake. There are people in serious pain caused by life threatening events every day. Grow some and heal yourself. Stop making excuses. You're embarrassing the rest of us that have moved on and worked through it without falling apart of blaming our ex/current wayward for everything including the lack of rain.

Have no idea what happened to Solus Sto. She used to be awesome and a real mentor when I joined. She's now just as bad as everyone else. Come on! Maybe time to move on.

**personal info redacted by admin

Survivinginfidelity is a real travesty. Very few actually are surviving, but more wallowing and dispensing just sheer crap as advice. I joined and have read some of the worst recommendations from both a legal and mental health stand point ever. The other review that said if you just read the site guidelines you'll be fine, yep, I bet he's one of the wonderful insanely bitter betrayed men that are just oozing all over that site. There are very few there, I will say that, as most men I know sac up and wouldn't be caught dead posting on a web site. Look, betrayal is a part of life and if this site is what you use to deal you're not going to make it. There is a wayward, Walkingoneggshells, that they made a guide or moderator. This special flower brought another dude into their home and played footsies with him until he announced to both of them that he wanted the betrayed spouses wife and she LEFT with him. After he dumped her she came crawling back and now gives advice on how if you viewed your marriage as less than perfect THAT was your issue, not the horrific betrayal you concocted to deal with it. There is another wayward man on there that is just there to out wayward the other waywards by all his wisdom (lacking completely) and will argue repeatedly how others are just too stubborn to see his brilliant pablum. No dude, you're simply not capable of linear thought processes and reason. But nice try. Please people, get thee to a good counselor or a wise friend before you ever read on this disaster.

Oh My GOD. I had to add to this as I was notified by another member and read that a man raped his wife. He posted about his actions that were clear rape and the betrayed men glossed over it and told him what a great guy he was and how he needed to get away from his cheating wife. He raped his wife! Nothing from the site admin or mods and my God. I hope the wives of these men read what they have said and run fast and far. This is just a complete horror.

Been reading any/all survive infidelity sites and anything else yahoo/google search can find for me - SI is the one with the easiest to read format and has a huge experienced (BTDT) member following. It's free but "donations accepted" there is a large body of info posted and many different forums with strict enforced rules. If "you" read blogs you will see (unless you're totally mentally deficient in social skills) that rules are needed to keep forum participants "on thread" - violators are warned via private message and if they refuse to honor the rules - they suffer accordingly (BTDT) so if you need someone to chat with - give a try but first read the free info and the RULES for each forum. Even Danielle Steele would have a hard time coming up with the stories that are in SI. I found that what I was experiencing was totally "normal" mental and physical anguish over events in my life. And enough input from the members to help be accept what life has delt and move on - wiser - a bit bruised - and aware that working on oneself is the only cure to happiness.
The members on the forums will not let you off the hook if you go pity-me-party in your chat
The site is "pro reconciliation but more properly GETTING OUT of infidelity" - whether the path is recovery of a marriage or moving ahead with life separately. If you need a sounding board and a fair hearing - give it a try. You are welcome there but you must follow the rules which are clearly stated (Yeah, I had to read them a couple times to fully understand)
Kinda sad that the human race has so much of it (infidelity) going on -
Signed? "a survivor"

So my feelings about SI have been terribly conflicted. I am a say it plain person, say it how i am seeing it. Well i rubbed people wrong there. Both DS and MH were very harsh and attacking me with a week account suspension for posting one too many times about my personal opinion on things and how it was not inline with the philosophy they have there...(I was advising divorce, and maybe a tougher love sort of approach, also SadinAZ was very passive aggressive in one of my threads and i called her out on it) I was in a VERY bad place with my Cheating husband at the moment because i found out he was cheating RIGHT before he left for many months and the week i was suspended was the week he was coming back and i panicked. I needed SI for the next days to follow but i felt they were chopping my hand off when i needed MAYBE a slap on the wrist. I reacted to (what i believe was HARSH punishment) They demanded i apologize to SadinAZ (who i believe is a part of the Collaborative circle jerk thing they got going at SI) I wouldn't apologize. As a result they banned me within min of the discussion. (COME IN, YOU ARE SAFE HERE) i thought i was safe to express myself, to have freedom to explain my point of view, but instead they dropped the ax, when i needed the community most. I believe the concept of SI is brilliant, but egotistical jerks moderate it and they like to keep their group small. Turntheothercheek HANDS DOWN the best person on that website was banned, for god knows what... I think she was too legendary for them. SI is insecure as $#*!. I have since found better long term home at Talkaboutmarriage, they are tough love. Much more varied opinion to cherry pick from. They say take what you can and leave the rest OFTEN at SI, but when they say the same opinion over and over its hard to PICK, and leave when there feels like little variety in the form of advise. TAM is much better in that respect and i am not fearful of banning for minor difference of opinion.

I joined this site to work through issues and get support for pain. I've been horrified at what is allowed on that site. Believe me, I understand the pain for being cheated on. What I don't understand is the encouragement to stay mired in that pain and even egged on to increase it. How does anyone survive when they're turning into a mean, bitter, spiteful shell? That site is like high school on steroids. I have seen so many members get banned or leave. Those that have been banned were for petty reasons. The site owner is acts like an entitled 12 year old that HAS to get her way or she'll huff and puff. Her sarcasm and patronizing tone is quite revealing. Sites that focus on this are very needed. This one should be avoided like the plague. The members that are pets are ruining the site and being allowed to run rampant while the truly healthy ones leave or get removed. I guess that keeps people looking but wouldn't you want to be known for your value rather than a drama joke?

The worst site for either side of the infidelity horror. The wayward side is filled with spouses of the betrayed spouses on that site so you can't trust any of their posts. They have a contest, basically, to see who is the most "remorseful". It's honestly pathetic. Can't believe their spouses buy that crap. The betrayed side is just as bad. Competitive bitterness. The absolute horrific "advise" given is almost criminal. There are several posters, sunflower30 is one for sure, Hope2b another, that are so bitter and vile you can't help but understand completely how their spouse cheated... and I'm a betrayed spouse. You almost fine yourself rooting for them to dump these entitled, vulgar, vile $#*!es. Men are screwed on that site. I'm no longer posting and many awesome members no longer go there either because of the terrible moderating or because they were banned for speaking the truth. Uncertainone was a brilliant, sage, wayward (although I never thought she was) that posted gems. You won't find them anymore because Deeply Scared deleted all of them. That petty little cheater broke her own site's guidelines. Shocking. Horrible site, terribly run with damaged dangerous posters. Reddit and other sites far far better than that absolute mess

Survivinginfidelity is a cult. The wayward forum is just an extension of the betrayed forum. The BS's pile on and condescend, patronize, I swear if I read "gently" one more time. A new wayward joined seeking help then had to defend herself, and she really showed the stupidity spewed on there for what it was. Called the hypocrites out and didn't accept the crap they shoveled so of course she was short lived. Me and a few other members were cheering her on. Too bad. The usuall suspects flew in and the attention addicted male wayward on there stole her ideas and tried to suck up more adulation from BS piling on as usual. What a joke. Too bad. That site once seemed better years ago. Now don't even recognize it. More like survive the site.

If I could give it no stars I would. This site is extremely harmful to all who use it. While one of the criticisms the site promotes is that cheaters are addicted to attention and validation, that is mostly what this entire site is about for both the cheater and the hurt party. There are people on this site who are wallowing in their hurt for YEARS. It just promotes a collective bashing party, allowing nobody to heal. They promote revenge and hate more than anything.

The site founder, Jill M. Campbell of Spring, Texas, cheated on her husband. They now created the site to make money off of other people's suffering.

Worst site for both betrayed and wayward spouses. I wouldn't recommend anyone to use this site as a means to heal. It's only made my marriage worse and I'm hoping after my husband reads these reviews he will discontinue use on it. Thank you to all who have reviewed. For the wayward side, you are not to have feelings. You shall bow down to your betrayed spouse and do as they command. Take your lifelong punishment as you should. I'm utterly shocked and disgusted by members claiming to be there to help yet putting people down for sharing a different opinion. Majority of people on there seem to be mindless, brainwashed robots. They seem to feel every situation is exactly the same. It's great if you're a betrayed spouse. On their side, the wayward is always wrong. They sit there & condone, not just condone, encourage bad behavior toward their wayward spouses. Majority of people on the betrayed site seem to use their partners infidelity as a way to control their spouse. Not just control but to get their childish way with everything in the marriage "or I will leave". They talk about a 180. It works for everyone they say. If my husband pulled a "180" on me, I would have walked out. On both sides, people seem to focus on one thing said in your post. It is always completely off topic of what you are actually trying to get answers for. I posted a situation in which I know I was in the wrong and stated it numerous times in my post. My post was to ask advice on how to make it right. Instead of offering advice, people went on a tirade about what I had done in the first place. I stated numerous times that I understand my reaction wasn't what it should have been. It was still ignored and people still went on and on about it. In one post, I called the "other man" my ex and mistakingly put in AP (affair partner) rather than FAP (former affair partner), which was a typo. BIG MISTAKE that was. "You called him your ex. You still have feelings for him. "You said AP. That sounds present. That suggests to me that you are still in your affair". Really? People on there are ridiculous.

As with another reviewer, I have been banned from the site - because my husband didn't get his email right during registration, and forgot his password. So without then registration email, he was stuck.

They "helped him finish" registering, but he could never log on since he had goofed up, and when I asked for help I got nothing but snark back. The "administrator" just sent to the non-working email, and wouldn't change it.

So, I tried to get him registered with a new email, they kicked ME out!

The admin actually said we didn't belong on the internet and to get help elsewhere - Then had the nerve to say MY emails were rude! All I had ever done was thank them for their help, and ask for the email to be changed., which was refused, because "they had helped enough"

Some "help" forum...
Yeah, I definitely agree you better be their definition of "perfect'...

This website and its members helped me through the roughest times of my divorce-the self-doubt, the anger, the guilt I felt at putting my kids through a divorce (ex was a serial cheater.) I did not post much after those first 2 years, but did take away a lot of "post-divorce dating" advice by reading others' posts.
When I decided to go back on to read/catch up, I'd forgotten my password. I asked the administrators how to recover it and was told they'd get back to me. NADA. I wrote again, politely, and still got nothing. I asked if I could just set up another screen name and password and was told this was not ALLOWED.
Keep in mind, I'd never had any issues, never been "warned" about my posts, never argued... and the posts I made were always positive/supportive.
It did bother me for awhile-the site was one of the few places besides Divorce Care where I felt people really understood my situation. But apparently forgetting your password is unforgivable, and so I'm unable to "join" again. How nice of them.

Surviving Infidelity is great if you are a betrayed spouse (which I am) and you want your head patted and to be told any bad behavior you have is okay (which I don't want). Everyone is told any type of revenge the betrayed spouse wants to exact against the cheater or other man/woman is okay. If anyone steps in to say bad behavior is bad no matter which side it comes from... prepare to be told you are unsupportive and not to post. Apparently if you've been cheated on, any behavior you have is acceptable and anyone saying otherwise should stop posting. I'm not one to condone bad behavior... I don't care what the situation is. I quickly learned at SI bad behavior is okay if your spouse has cheated on you... seems counterproductive to healing to me, but I also noticed the vast majority of people there are not looking to heal but to wallow in their pain and make someone pay for it... it isn't surprising few of the marriages 'reconcile' even though some don't divorce... they just sit in their misery. If you want true healing... find a professional...

Their healing library contains a section called "articles", these are posts written by other site members, not professionals. I've seen people "high fived" for hacking emails and yelling profane insults in front of their own or other children.

I understand the pain of infidelity, but turning around and making excuses for bad bahavior does not make the pain go away or make me a better person. It breeds bitterness and hate. That is what this site supports and encourages, if you dare speak out about the bad behavior of a betrayed spouse, be prepared to be told to stop posting because you are not "supportive". A very dangerous place for those trying to heal in a positive way.